Binding: Rain - Chronicles 改 (Defunct)

Chapter Five Part Three | Conviction

　Chapter 5 Part 3 | Conviction

　'Now do it again...?'

　'What is... this...?'

　'Why have I become so weak? For so long, I felt myself burning away, lacking the thing I wanted. But... I'm here now with it laid on a silver platter. And I'm... I'm apprehensive? What has happened to me?'

　So many years, he fought and killed, then it was stripped from him. Now he has an option to go back to it all. He wants to, every fibre of his being tries to push him to that future. There is however, a shred of humanity inside himself. Or perhaps, fear, or guilt.

　If he goes back, he'll surely have to watch the life drain from people's eyes again, listening to their sobs. Or they're request for him, to end it for them.

　'To disregard my life, again?'

　'To destroy that future's silhouette?'

　The only part of him he ever knew forces him to pursue this, and want this.

　Yet, a reservoir of something he'd never experienced, boils away. Grabbing his wrist and trying to drag him from this all.

　'If I do this...'

　'I'll surely collapse...'

　'And break away...'

　But what choice does he truly have? It's clear, undoubtably, his superior officer will force this into his palms again. Those bloody joysticks, and stagnant cockpit. It will be his to command again. If he was alone... he could tolerate it. He's beaten down - tired, of phantoms and flashbacks of his comrades. He'll never live down their voices. But... no Gleipnir Operator goes alone. They must go in squads, at least in twos. His fate seems to lead to the same thing, endlessly.

　He's always the one sent to death.

　He's the only one that marches home.

　So many others he'd had to leave on the fields of detritus earth.

　Only earlier, he'd gazed upon her. That small cut, and clumps of bruises on Yato's frail frame. Her standing embarrassed, almost angry as she watched him. Her injured body from training.

　What has he done? He allowed her to become an Operator. He'll have to lose her also? Another he'd have to try and forget?

　Blood coating Yato's face, those golden eyes sucked of their soul. To have to even think about seeing her like that... unfathomable. So... nauseating. The walls twist and churn. If anything could push him over the edge, this'd certainly be it.

　He can't run. Without him present, how will he protect anything? She won't just quit, she's too stubborn. Meaning she'll have to be on the battlefield, the same ones he wandered.

　'If I just... listened to myself!'

　'This is why I pledged not to get attached to people.'

　'I knew I shouldn't of...'

　'This is hell...'

　"Shigure. The NDECK-J needs you. I need you..."

　"Do this. For me, if nothing else."

　"Won't you now, Shigure boy?"

　What else could he do? He's tried to save those around him before, yet they still left their blood on him. But so what? If he doesn't try again, and again, and again. He'll be left with nothing, not even pride as a soldier.

　"I understand sir."

　Shigure re-trains his eyes into Yamamoto's, awaiting the officer's next command.

　A normal man, with sympathy and understanding, would surely attempt to comfort Shigure. Or simply, not drag him through such life-sucking conditions. Not Yamamoto. Shigure has skill, skill that is proven. Yamamoto knows he can endure - he's done it hundreds of times. A military asset will always be a military asset.

　"Splendid, splendid." He affirms with a grin. "That's the Shigure I remember. Not an emotional baby." Despite having agreed to subject himself to something horrid, something others would out-right refuse. Yamamoto's tone still lingers with contempt, and sarcasm.

　"Maybe this time around, you won't let so many die. Maybe, just maybe, you'll finally be able to repay your debt's to them." Cocking his head slightly, as if to play with the Captain. "Unless... the rumours that you killed them are true? That you're actually a traitor... born to murder those who give everything to you...?"

　"Bullsh-!"

　"Baseless accusations, aren't they Shigure? I know you'd never do something so... so heinous... so... despicable. Now would you?"

　People really see him like this? Someone who'd kill his friends? Why does every encounter with this man have to burn him inside. 'What mind-tricks is he playing? Why won't I just leave? Or tell him to watch what he says?'

　'I'm a coward... just a coward with a skill for killing... What the hell is this? Who have I become...?'

　As if nothing had happened, as if he didn't just belittle and purposely cause Shigure's memories to resurface, Yamamoto re-takes his seat. It's all a game, just a game to get a valuable soldier under his hold, and keep them there. "Shigure. I've some more good news."

　Subtly wiping the sweat from his uncharacteristically contorted face, Shigure nods.

　"You seemed to think you'd be demoted? Not at all, we can't waste you." The Brigadier Marshall leans onto his desk, towards him. "I pray you remember you previous rank... GFM-Commodore~."

　'GFM-Commodore', the highest rank he achieved before being delegated to admin duties at FWSDI-Tsuiki. A especially high-rank for someone his age, even for older Operators. Most because they die before they ever get promoted that far. However for Shigure, he started just a rank below. And with exceptional combat performance, promotion came soon after.

　"Yes sir."

　"Good. It's not like you didn't access documents above your rank as a Captain anyway. It seems you were itching to be promoted again, hm...?" Of course Yamamoto would of discovered his viewing of confidential data. He'd a feeling he wasn't meant to see it.

　Shigure doesn't respond. Presently, he is unsure of what he wanted in the past, or what he wants now. Too concerned with what's to come, again. Who'll he'll have to watch die this time.