　People think that everything ends when they die.

　Everyone probably thinks that way.

　But it was different in reality.

　I have lost two people who I thought were the most important in my life.

　My mother, and Mayumi Iwamisita.

　They left this world without saying goodbye to me, and disappeared from my sight in an instant.

　Surely, their lives ended there. But their feelings still live on in my heart.

　My mother gave me the best smile she could offer as her last gift to me, and departed. And that smile of hers led me to meet Mayumi Iwamisita, an irreplaceable woman for me.

　Mayumi gave me everything she had, in the little time she realized she had left, as if to tell me her regrets before leaving. She left that notebook for me.

　That notebook that Mayumi left became the nourishment of my life. And always by my side, there was that smile of hers, without any pretense, as if Mayumi was cuddling up to me.

　Losing a loved one is more painful than cutting oneself, and one cannot help but feel the pain in one's heart and mind. But when that loved one leaves this world, the feelings they left behind live on in one's heart.

　When Mayumi was transported and took her last breath in front of me, I was only obsessed with that fact, and I couldn't even notice the feelings that Mayumi had imposed on me.

　Why did Mayumi entrust me with that notebook...?

　At first, I thought she made it and left it for me, a novice surgeon, for my sake. But that was just my wishful thinking.

　The real reason why Mayumi left that notebook for me...

　The one who made me realize that was the girl who was facing her imminent death in seconds on the bed in the special room.

　It was Madoka Akishima. She taught me the true meaning of the notebook that Mayumi left for me.

　I was sent to that city hospital from Jokanetu to meet Madoka Akishima.

"Ta-na-be-sensei"

　As soon as I opened the door of the special room,Madoka Akishima started calling my name with a meaningful look, and with those round eyes of hers.

"Hey, Madoka-chan. Please stop calling me by separating each letter."

"Oh, why? It's fine. It's up to me how I call you, isn't it?"

"Well, ... I don't know, it's just embarrassing. When you separate each letter."

"Hmm, I see. Maybe it's because you were called like that before?"

"Uh-um"

　I tried to dodge the question, but

"I got it. The girl who died in the accident called you like that, right?"

　My hand stopped for a moment as I tried to put the stethoscope on her chest.

　Mayumi also used to call me "Ta-na-be-kun" when she called me.

　She didn't miss my hand stopping for a moment.

"Bullseye! I hit it right."

"Well, yeah."

"Huh, I see. You had someone who called you like that before."

　I didn't care what she meant by saying that, or maybe I should say I didn't know.

　Looking back, I was pretty dull.

　She must have felt that my existence was very special to her...

　And then!!

"Late! Tanabe! What time do you think it is! You have to come to my place at the same time every day!"

　She was in a very bad mood. ... often.

　But at those times, I knew she was putting a lot of effort into facing her feelings.

　She would die soon. Even if she was on the donor waiting list, her current rank was third.

　Even if a heart was transferred to the transplant network, there was a range of compatibility. And donors didn't occur every day.

　Besides, her condition was still critical and there was no room for delay.

　It was almost a miracle that her heart was still beating...

　And after she got in a bad mood, her condition always worsened.

　Every time, I rushed to her side.

　Her chest tightened with pain and her breathing became weak.

　Is it over? Dr. Miura and her father, Dr. Matsumura, the director of the hospital, couldn't hide their serious expressions.

　But even then she said.

"What are you all so serious about?"

　She looked at us with hollow eyes while wearing an oxygen mask. She said it was normal for her. As if to say that to us.

"I'm sorry..." was all I could say to her.

　I had been in charge of Akishima Madoka for three months.

　During that time, I received a notification from the transplant network that a heart had been transferred from a donor.

　But she didn't qualify, and the heart was donated to another patient.

　As a result, Madoka Akishima's rank in the transplant network rose from third to second, but it meant nothing in terms of the situation.

　She stared at death, faced it, and spent every day confirming her own existence.

　The only person she opened her heart to was me, she said.

　It was the day after my daily work was over, when I peeked into her special room.

"What's wrong, Dr. Tanabe? Isn't your work time over?"

"Well, yeah, I got used to the work here, and I had some spare time, so I thought I'd see your face before I go home."

"Oh, you're worried about me, aren't you?"

"Of course, you're the princess of this hospital, after all."

"Princess, huh. You don't really think that at all. You just think I'm a spoiled girl who's about to die soon!"

"That's not true. I think Madoka-chan is amazing. She faces her illness firmly, doesn't show fear, and cares a lot about everyone around her. She's a good girl, I think."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I guarantee it."

"Then fix this heart of mine."

"......Hmm"

　She casually said something like that, and I was already pushed.

"Haha, Dr. Tanabe looks troubled."

"I'm sorry."

"Are you apologizing?"

"I can't fix Madoka-chan's heart with my skills now. I'm sorry."

"Do you have experience in heart transplantation?"

"Of course not... I'm still a novice surgeon, it's hard enough to be the first assistant."

"But you're studying, right?"

"Well, yeah, I haven't experienced it, but I've read some of the procedures in the notebook."

"Notebook?"

　I inadvertently mentioned Mayumi's notebook.

"What's this notebook? A notebook that Dr. Tanabe made himself? But that's weird. You wouldn't say you've read it if it was a notebook you wrote yourself."

　She hit the nail on the head. I had no choice but to take out Mayumi's notebook from my bag and hand one to her.

"This notebook is from my girlfriend who died... She left it for me for my future."

　She opened the notebook and started reading what was written inside with great interest.

"It might be hard for Madoka-chan. It's mostly medical terms, and mainly about surgical procedures. But it also covers medical findings and treatments."

"Be quiet for a moment!"

　Madoka Akishima read through the contents of Mayumi's notebook as if she could grasp them.

　She might have some medical knowledge. She seemed to have a lot of knowledge in her brain that she couldn't have at her age.

"It's amazing what's written in this notebook. It's very easy to understand and versatile. I think it covers a lot of papers and specialized medical books."

"This is bad. You seem to know more than doctors with medical licenses."

"Of course. I'm just lying in bed all day. And I wanted to research my illness, so I read a lot of medical books and searched online. I also looked up papers and clinical data. It's my own thing."

　And when she saw the name written on the last page, she looked into my eyes firmly.

"Dr. Tanabe... no, Koichi Tanabe. The real meaning of this notebook that she left for you"

"Do you... know?"

　After that word, Madoka Akishima had an attack.

　The most serious attack ever...

　That's when it started, when I started staying at the hospital...

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Copying or resembling this novel is prohibited.

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emergency doctor

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