白いベッドの上に横たえられた無残な自分の姿が明らかに見えた。

My pathetic figure was laide on white bed that was seemed clearly.

添削

"I could clearly see my pitiful self lying on the white bed."

"I could clearly see my pitiful figure lying on the white bed."

鎖を切って逃げる事が出来ない時に犬の出すような自分の唸り声が判然聴えた。

It don't escape to cat chain when my growl like dog was hear clearly.

添削

"When I couldn't escape from the chains, my growling sounded clearly like a dog's."

When I couldn't cut the chain and escape, my own growling, much like that of a dog's, was clearly audible."

それから冷たい刃物の光と、それが互いに触れ合う音と、最後に突然両方の肺臓から一度に空気を絞り出すような恐ろしい力の圧迫と、圧された空気が圧されながらに収縮する事が出来ないために起こるとしか思われない激しい苦痛とが彼の記憶を襲った。

It assault his memory to cold blade of shin, each other was rub of sound, at last suddenly at a time terribly force of pressure likely squeeze air by both lung, and compressed air was compressed to don't contract so that it though to happen severe pain that attack his memory.

添削

"Then, the memory of him was assaulted by the cold gleam of a blade, the sound of it touching another object, and finally, the intense agony that seemed to result from the sudden exertion of a horrifying force that squeezed the air out of both his lungs at once, leaving the air unable to contract and causing unbearable pain."

"Then, a cold gleam of a blade, the sound of it touching another object, and finally, the horrifying pressure of a sudden force that squeezed the air out of both his lungs at once, leaving the air unable to contract and causing unbearable pain, all assaulted his memory."