Today I met a person. He asked me about my past days, so I remembered it for a while. TBH I had lived in a very terrible period. I already worked at that time but I also had spent my days with alcohol after work. After coming back to my house, I had gone to the supermarket, bought beers, and drank. Yes, every day even if it rained, or if the wind blew. It has ended by my 40 so I don't have any good memories of my 20s and 30s. Or I even can say that I have no youth or glory days. I never want to remember those days...

When I was such a lonely heavy drinker, I always thought "my life won't end at this point. I can do something big. My life will end as glory!". But all I had done was just doing the work I couldn't see any future and also drinking. No books, even no drafts even if I wanted to be a bestseller writer. So I never could become either a writer or a general worker. So while my friends enjoyed outdoor activities or concerts, in other words, while they enjoyed their youthful days, I just had drunk a lot and kept on complaining all day. So even now I don't feel good even if it is a fine day. Because I remember that certain anger.

But, in a way, that memory of inner/invisible war has made me. That's true. Of course, I never want to go back to those days. But if I could succeed in my life and grow bigger without any trouble? I feel no good about that idea. All people in my generation are the ones who have been troubled because of the end of economic growth (we call it 'the bubble economy'). Some of them might think that 'if that growth hadn't stopped'. But I want to say yes to this life. Spending valuable time with various troubles, failures, and shams... but those wasted time has taught me a lot of things to me.

Now I don't think about making any miracle in my life. Indeed, I want money and also have many things I want to do. But now, I want to treat many people who treat me with their goodness. I have been able to stop drinking for answering their intimacy. I also want to write this novel for those precious people (of course, I am saying about YOU). And it can be a kind of success if I can deliver my truth. I want to make words from the emotion which can't be calm, so I named this 'undercooled'... sorry, this is a joke. I named this because I just listened to a song I accidentally heard on Spotify. That's all.