貧乏日勤タクシードライバーからの脱却奮闘記

第18話 妻がうつ病を発症

３か月くらい味覚症状に悩む妻。

都内で唯一の味覚症状を専門に扱う病院で見てもらったが、

血液検査では異常なし。亜鉛の値も正常。コロナの後遺症でもないとの事。

ストレスからこのような症状を発症するケースが稀にあると言われた。

妻は、居ても立っても居られない。

私が現在通院している同じ精神科に診てもらった。

味覚症状との因果関係は分からないが、病名は、うつ病と診断された。

抗うつ治療が必要との事。

私と同じ”ラツーダ”と睡眠薬のデエビゴを処方された。

まさか、夫婦揃って同じ精神科の病院に行って同じ薬を飲むはめになるとは。

診断書をもらい、妻は後日それを会社に提出して１か月の休職になった。

妻の願いで家には、妻の母（私から見れば義母）が泊まり込みで妻の精神的支えのために週４日ほどを一つ屋根の下で暮らす生活になった。

私と義母はこれまでの度重なる口論をきっかけにほとんど絶縁状態だ。

今年のお正月も、年賀状をお互い出さなかったほどだ。

今日は仕事が暇だったので、早く家に帰った。

義母が私の顔を見るなり、

「あら、今日はやけに早かったんですね」と

一言残し、そそくさと和室の自分の部屋に入った。

私たちは、もはや同じ空間にいる事が耐えられない関係になったのだ。

結婚した当初はこのような現実が待っているとは夢にも思わなかった。

現在の私と妻は、明らかに幸せではない。

二人とも共に人生に苦しんでいる。

妻が必要としているのは、私ではなく、母親なのだ。

私たちは、結婚する前に大喧嘩をした事がある。

私は「別れてやる！」と彼女に言った。

彼女は、「別れるぐらいなら、ここから飛び降りる」

と言って、当時住んでいた彼女のマンションのベランダから飛び降りようと

して、私は必死に抑えた事がある。

あの時、本当に別れていた方がお互いこんなにまで傷つかずに済んだのではないかと。何度も私はこの数年間、そのような思いにかられることがある。

私たちが出会って間もない、一番仲の良かった頃、

世界貿易センタービルで働いていた私は、よく仕事終わり、

妻とビルからの夜景を見た。

「この景色は俺たちのものだー」と、妻と手を握りながら、幸せの絶頂を感じていた。

プロポーズは、ヘリコプターの上。

俺たちって高い所から見る夜景が好きだったのかな。

今になって思う。

転職ばかりで収入が安定しない私。それに伴って怒りっぽくなった私。

子どもが出来て、色々な場面で感じる妻との価値観の違い。

そこに干渉してくる義母。

そして追い打ちをかけるかのように、タクシーをしてからの超貧乏生活。

妻には扶養から外れてもらい、正社員で働いてもらうようになってからの、

妻の精神的ストレスの悪化。余裕のない生活。

これからの人生。

私の転職活動もどうなるか分からない。

一生タクシー貧乏生活かもしれない。

両親だっていつか死んでしまうだろう。

子どもたちだって、私たちから離れてしまう。

残った妻との関係を考えると、

これからの人生、何も良い事などないように思えてしまう。

ある歌の１節を思い出した。

これから僕らはどうなっちゃうんだろう。

妻が会社を休んで1週間が過ぎたある日、妻の会社の社長から電話があった。

「もう会社に来てくれませんかね。」

医師の診断書を提出して１か月の休職が始まってまだ１週間しか経っていないのに、

妻の体調も心配もせずに、人手不足だからという理由だけで来てくださいとは。

妻も私も呆れた。

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My wife develops depression

My wife has been suffering from taste symptoms for about 3 months.

She was seen at the only hospital in Tokyo that specializes in taste symptoms, but

Her blood tests showed no abnormalities. Her zinc levels are also normal. She does not have any aftereffects of coronavirus.

She was told that it is rare for a person to develop such symptoms due to stress.

My wife can't sit still.

She was seen by the same psychiatrist I am currently seen.

Although the causal relationship with her taste symptoms is unknown, she was diagnosed as depression.

She needs antidepressant treatment.

She was prescribed the same Latuda and the sleeping pill Deevigoas as me .

I never expected that we would end up going to the same psychiatric hospital and taking the same medication.

After getting her medical certificate, my wife later submitted it to the company and was placed on a one-month leave of absence.

At my wife's request, my wife's mother (from my point of view, my mother-in-law) stayed at our house, and we lived under one roof for about four days a week to provide her with emotional support.

My mother-in-law and I have been in a state of isolation due to repeated arguments.

This year, for New Year's holiday, we even didn't send New Year's cards each other.

I had a slow day at work today, so I went home early.

As soon as my mother-in-law saw my face,

She said, "Oh, you were really early today.''

After leaving such only word, she hurriedly entered her room.

We had reached a point where we could no longer bear to be in the same space.

When we got married, we never dreamed that such a reality would await us.

My wife and I are clearly not happy right now.

Both of them are struggling in life together.

What my wife needs is her mother, not me.

We had a big fight before we got married.

I told her, "I'm leaving you!"

She said, "I'd rather jump out of here than break up.''

So she tried to jump off the balcony of her apartment building where she lived at the time.

I tried my best to suppress it.

At that time, I think that if we had really broken up, we wouldn't have been hurt so much by each other. I've had this thought many times over the past few years.

Shortly after we met, when we were the best of relationship,

I used to work at the World Trade Center, and often after work,

I saw the night view from the building with my wife.

"This view is ours!'' I said, feeling the peak of happiness as I held her hand.

The proposal was on a helicopter.

I guess we just liked the night view seen from high places.

I think about it now.

I keep changing jobs and my income is not stable. As a result, I became an angry person.

After having a children, I felt a difference in values with my wife in various situations.

My mother-in-law intervenes there.

And, furthermore, we have lived in extreme poverty after working as a taxi.

After my wife was removed from supporting her and started working as a full-time employee,

Worsening of my wife's mental stress. A life we can't afford.

The future life.

I don't know what will happen with my career change.

I might live in taxi poverty for the rest of my life.

Even my parents will die someday.

Even our children are leaving us.

Considering our relationship with my wife,

I feel like nothing good will happen in my life from now on.

I remembered a line from a certain song.

I wonder what will happen to us from now on.

One day, one week after my wife was off work, she received a phone call from the president of her company.

"Would you please come to work now?"

It has only been a week since she submitted her doctor's certificate and started her one-month leave of absence.

They don't worry about my wife's health and ask her to come just because theyare short-staffed.

Both my wife and I were shocked.