貧乏日勤タクシードライバーからの脱却奮闘記

第11話 週末の憂鬱と初恋の人

私の休日は土曜日のみ。週６勤務が三週間つづき、最後の週は土日が休めたりするのが平均的。月一にやってくるこの二日間の休日が最近では憂鬱だ。

妻との関係が悪化してから、お互い最低限の会話しかしていない。

妻が言うには、私がいつ怒り出してしまうか不安で怯えているという。

妻も正社員で働いてくれているのだから、家事の負担も半分半分でないとおかしいと思うから、私も積極的に家事をやろうとするのだが、妻からはやらないでほしいと言われる。私が疲れて帰ってきて、家事をやってイライラされると怖いのでという事だ。

そういう妻も常にイライラしている。超教育ママだから、子供たちへのしつけが厳しすぎる。

家に帰ると妻と子供の騒ぎ声に耳を塞ぐほどだ。

「なんで習い事の用意をしてねーんだよ！」

「宿題はちゃんとやってねーのかよ。」

「あの大事なものはどこになくしたんだよ」

「早く、着替えろ」だの、あれやれこれやれ、妻の子供たちへの怒号が聞こえる。

土日は子供の習い事の付き添いで時間が終わってしまう。

そして、たいてい、妻は一人その後、病院だの、美容皮膚科だの、整体だの、針治療だのと言って、一人で出かけに行く。

話は変わるが、この５年間、妻が私たちと一緒に写真に写った事はない。

離婚を経験した人に聞きたい。私たちは、離婚前の末期症状だろうか。

私が転職して給料が安定すれば、関係は良くなるのだろうか。

そんな中、最近よく夢を見る。初恋の人が出てくる。

彼女の名前は、瞳。

小学校6年の時に、うちのクラスに転校してきた日の事は今でも鮮明に記憶に残っている。一瞬で好きになった。

背が小さくて可愛い。

小学校、中学校、一緒の学校で、ずっと告白できずに、片思いでいた。

そしてそのまま中学を卒業。高校は別々。彼女がどのような高校生活をしていたか全く知らない。

私が浪人の時、たまたま訪れたコンビニ。買い物をして外に出た時、声を掛けれた。

「久しぶり！」

瞳だった。中学以来の再会。コンビニでバイトしていて、私に気付いてくれたらしく、店を抜け出して声をかけてくれた。めちゃくちゃ嬉しかった。

何気ない会話を少ししてから別れた。

私はその日以来、彼女の事がまた猛烈に好きになった。

それから、片思いの日々が続いた。

二年くらい経ってから、彼女の実家に電話をした。（当時は携帯がなかった。始め、お母さんらしき人が出た）

私は、電話越しに告白した。「実は好きなんだ。会いたい」と告げた。

瞳は「ダメだよ。会えないよ。」と断られた。

それ以来、彼女とは音信普通だが、何故だか、

彼女が最近、何度も夢に出てくる。

あの時のままの彼女の笑顔、自分に話しかけてくれる彼女の優しさ。ドキドキ感。

夢だから何をお互い話しているのかは覚えていないが。

妻に恋して付き合って結婚してから一回りして関係が悪化している今。

もうしばらく恋をしていない今の自分だから、せめて夢では恋をしたいと思っているのだろうか。人間の本能なのか。

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Melancholy on weekend and my first lover

My only day off is every Saturday. On average, I work six days a week for three consecutive weeks, with the last week being a weekend off. These two-day holidays that come once a month have been depressing lately.

Since the relationship with my wife deteriorated, we have only had minimal conversations with each other.

My wife says she's scared and worried that I'll get angry at any moment.

Since my wife also works as a full-time employee, I think that we should evenly share houseworks with each other, so I actively try to do the housework, but she refuses me to do it. She says tha it's because she's scared if I come home tired and get irritated by doing housework.

Such a wife is also always irritated. She is a super-education-oriented mom, so she is very strict in disciplining our children.

When I get home, I can't help but cover my ears to the noise of my wife and children.

"Why didn't you prepare for your lessons?"

"Aren't you doing your homework properly?"

"Where did you lose that important thing?"

"Hurry up, change your clothes!''

I can hear my wife yelling at the children,

On Saturdays and Sundays, I and my wife spend most of our time attending our children's lessons.

Then, most of the time, my wife goes off alone afterwards anywhere, for example, a hospital, a cosmetic dermatologist, a chiropractor, or acupuncture.

On a different note, my wife has never been photographed with us in the past five years.

I would like to ask someone who has experienced divorce. Are we on the verge of the divorce?

If I change jobs and get a stable salary, will our relationship improve?

Meanwhile, I've been having a lot of dreams lately. My first lover appears.

Her name is Hitomi.

I still vividly remember the day she transferred to our class when we were in the 6th grade of elementary school. I fell in love with her instantly.

She is short and cute.

We went to same elementary school, junior high school, and school and I had a crush on her without being able to confess my feelings.

And then I graduated from junior high school. High schools are different.

I have no idea what her high school life was like.

When I was studying for preparing university exam, I happened to visit a convenience store. When I went outside after shopping, someone called out to me.

"long time no see!"

It was Hitomi. It was a reunion since junior high school. He was working part-time at a convenience store and seemed to notice me, so she sneaked out of the store and called out to me. I was so happy.

After a few casual conversations, we parted each way.

Since that day, I fell in love with her again.

After that, days of unrequited love continued.

About two years later, I called her parents' house. (There were no cell phones at that time. At first, someone who appeared to be her mother appeared.)

I confessed to her over the phone. "Actually, I like you. I want to meet you," I told her.

She turned down, "No, I can't see you."

Since then, I haven't heard anything from her, but for some reason...

She has been appearing in my dreams many times lately.

The same smile she had as the same as back in my old memory, the kindness of her as she spoke to me. Feeling excited.

She was in a dream, so I don't remember what we were talking about.

After falling in love with my wife, dating her, and getting married, 12 years has past. our relationship has now deteriorated.

Since I haven't been in love for a while now, I wonder if I at least want to fall in love in my dreams. Is it human instinct?