貧乏日勤タクシードライバーからの脱却奮闘記

第7話 親離れ・子離れ

私には長男と次男の二人の子供がいる。

２０２４年４月から小学校の新４年生と、同じく新２年生。

妻も正社員のフルタイムで働いている為、３月までは、二人とも妻が放課後学童まで二人を迎えに行ってくれていた。しかし、学童は三年生までなので、新４年生となる長男は学童で預かってもらえなくなる。普通の親ならもう小学４年生なのだから学校が終わったら一人で帰らせるのだろう。同僚の人もそうしていると話していた。

しかし、私の家の近くの道路は交通量が激しく、抜け道となっていて、ダンプカーやら、物凄いスピードで走り去る車を何度も目撃している。実際、事故も起きている道なので、私は長男を一人で帰らせる事に反対していた。しかし、妻はもう一人で帰らせるべきだという考えで、何度も話し合ったが、結局、私が半ば押し切る形で、私が出勤時間と退勤時間を早めて、長男を学校まで迎えに行く事になった。

長男を学校の放課後１６時くらいまでに迎えに行くためには私は朝の４時に起きて５時３０分の出勤時間にしないと間に合わない。私は明日からそのつもりでいた。

今日は晴れていて桜も満開だったので家族で公園にお花見に行った。

奇麗な桜の花に魅せられ、心が晴れ渡った。なんだか、転職が上手くいくような、運気が上がっているような、晴れ晴れした気持ちになった。

その帰り道、車の中で、長男が突然泣き出した。

「明日から学校にパパに迎えに来てもらいたくない～。

　お友達に見られるのが恥ずかしい～　

　みんなに笑われる～」

ショックだった。まさか、急にそんな事を言い出して、ましてや大泣きするなんて。

私は長男が可愛いので、長男の命を守るために良かれとしようと思った事なのに。

それが長男にとっては許されない事だったのだ。他のお友達のパパはそんな事をしていないから、自分だけ他の子と違う事をされるのが嫌なのだと言う。

子供の心ってそうなんだと気づいた。

私はそんなに泣いてまで嫌がっている長男を見て、迎えに行くのは辞めようと決めた。

家に帰って、その危ない道を一人で歩く練習を長男とした。

長男を先に一人で歩かせ、少し遅れて私は後を追って、見守った。

「危ない道路に出る前は、ここで必ず止まって左右を確認をする。道路の端を歩く。下を見ないで前を見て歩くんだよ」と長男に伝えた。

私の前を歩く長男。まだ９歳になったばかり。

寝る時は、お化けが怖いから一緒に寝ようと言ってくれる。

ずっと抱きしめていたい。

こんな可愛い長男がもし一人で帰って事故に遭ったらどうしよう。

でも長男の意思を尊重しないといけない。

私の前を一人で歩いていく。私からだんだん離れていく。

寂しくなった。

一緒に手をつないで歩いて帰りたかった。

まだパパに甘えていてもいいんだよと言いたかった。

妻は成長している証拠だよと長男を称えた。

だんだん親離れをしていく子供。

まだまだ子離れできない自分。

今日見た桜が何故だか切なく思えてきた。

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Separation from parents, separation from children

I have two children, an eldest son and a second son.

From April 2024, they will be new fourth graders at elementary schools, as well as new second graders.

My wife also works full-time, so until March, both of them had been picked up from her from after school center. However, my eldest son, who became at fourth grade, have to leave out from care-center.

A normal parent would probably let their child go home alone after school since he or she is already in fourth grade. My co-workers also said they were doing the same.

However, the road near my house has heavy traffic and is a loophole, and I have often witnessed dump trucks and other vehicles driving away at incredible speeds.

In fact, several accidents had happened on this road in the past, so I was against letting my eldest son go home alone. However, my wife was against me saying hbe should go home alone for naturing him independent, and we talked about it many times, but in the end, I forcely persuaded her and I decided to go to work early and leave work earlier so that I could pick up my eldest son from school.

In order to pick up my eldest son after school by around 4pm, I have to wake up at 4am and get to work at 5:30am. I was planning on that from tomorrow.

It was sunny today and the cherry blossoms were in full bloom, so my family and I went to the park to see the cherry blossoms.

I was fascinated by the beauty of cherry blossoms and my heart became clear.

I felt bright and cheerful and I felt like my career change was going well, like my luck was improving.

On the way home, in the car, my eldest son suddenly started crying.

``I don't want my dad to pick me up from school tomorrow.''

I'm embarrassed to be seen by my friends~

``Everyone will laugh at me~''

It was a shock. I never expected him to suddenly say something like that, let alone burst into tears.

My eldest son is cute, so I wanted to do something good to protect his life.

What I want to do was unacceptable for him. He said that his other friends' dads don't do things like that, so he doesn't want to be treated differently comparing with other kids.

I realized that this is how a child's mind works.

Seeing my eldest son crying so much and hating it, I decided not to pick him up.

When we returned home, I had my eldest son practice to walk that dangerous path by himself.

I let my eldest son walk alone first, and I followed him a little later and watched over him.

I told my eldest son, ``Before heading out on a dangerous road, be sure to stop here and look both ways. Walk along the edge of the road. Don't look down, look ahead.''

My eldest son walks in front of me. He is only 9 years old.

When he goes to bed, he asks me to sleep with him because he's scared of ghosts.

I want to hold him forever.

What would I do if my cute eldest son went home alone and had an accident?

But I have to respect my eldest son's will.

He walks alone in front of me. He's getting further and further away from me.

I felt lonely.

I wanted to hold his hand and walk home.

I wanted to tell him that it's okay to still stay with me.

My wife praised him as a sign that he is growing up.

A child who gradually becomes separated from his parents.

And it is me who still can't let go of my child.

Somehow, the cherry blossoms I saw today made me feel sad.