In the year I started working, 1990, East and West Germany were unified. The United States was also involved in an invasion of Panama. The company I joined was quite unique. The president was a former leftist from Kyoto University. Additionally, the managing director, who was also the head of the parent think tank, went by the nickname "Terminator." Despite often working late into the night, he would wake up at 5 AM for a run. Furthermore, the executive director, though dealing with health issues, was an absolute workaholic.

All research staff members were granted management authority, and the company was run in a style resembling a cooperative. Even the top three positions in accounting were determined by elections.

My first job involved processing various statistical data and materials for a publication called "Overview of the Osaka Economy," issued by the Osaka City Economic Bureau.

Starting from my second year in the company, in 1991, I got involved in several other projects in addition to this one, which increased my workload and overtime hours. I was feeling the pressure of meeting deadlines for reports that had to be finished by the next day. My mind was so alert that I couldn't sleep at night.

In 1992, Gorbachev resigned as President of the Soviet Union, leading to its collapse and the emergence of the Russian Federation. It was around this time that I began living on my own. I believed I needed to eat a lot of meat to build up nutrition. Consequently, I was always sleepy. This was due to the fact that when the body concentrates blood in the intestines to absorb nutrients, there is a shortage of blood going to the brain, but I didn't have this knowledge at the time.

So, during the day at the office, I would often doze off, but since everyone else worked late into the night, I was never scolded. However, I was consistently late and it annoyed the president. I don't know what I was thinking, but I just kept ending up late. On one occasion, when accompanying my boss to explain a report to a government official who was our client, I fell asleep completely. This infuriated the client.

I grew distant from my girlfriend. She often had business trips to Tokyo, and with my extensive overtime, it became difficult for us to meet. Also, as mentioned earlier, I had issues with my lower back, and I began to realize that a job primarily involving long hours of desk work was a mistake from the start.

At the same time, the influence of my time in the United States as a student was significant, and I began to constantly contemplate starting a new life there. It happened about every 30 minutes. In 1992, the acquittal of the white police officer in the Rodney King case triggered the Los Angeles riots. There were also attacks on Koreatown, but I still wanted to go to America. I yearned for adventure.

In the midst of this, I started to think that Aikido might hold the key to handling the overwhelming amount of work that came my way. I recalled the impressive techniques demonstrated by Steven Seagal in the movie "Nico," which I had seen during my university days. I thought I needed to learn techniques like the irimi-nage throw.

And so, I began attending the Osaka Aikido Association twice a week. On Wednesdays, there were evening practices at the Osaka Prefectural Gymnasium, and on Saturdays, there were morning practices at a gymnasium in Shimanouchi. The instructors were Mr. Tanaka and Mr. Motozawa. Through practice, I realized that Aikido required even more physical strength than I had initially thought.

I worked overtime at the company and practiced Aikido. I was challenging my limits. During practice, there were moments when I saw stars as I got up after taking a fall. However, to cut to the chase, I never found a way to gracefully handle my work. Looking back, I should have quit sooner, but with everyone in the company being granted management authority, and in an atmosphere resembling a community of fate, I struggled.

In the end, I stuck with Aikido for two years. My workload piled up, and when I was at my wits' end, I called the Osaka Aikido Association to let them know I couldn't make it anymore. After this, I was plagued by severe depression. The company was on the 9th floor of a building, and I found myself looking out the window, thinking, "I want to jump."

Every time, I would tell myself, "This won't do, I need to quit this company and go to America as soon as possible." The president, seeing me in a state of neurosis, suggested that I go to see a psychiatrist. I went once, tried an antidepressant, but it didn't work, so I stopped.

In 1994, Casiopea, a prominent Japanese jazz fusion band, released their 25th album, "ANSWERS." Listening to it, I thought, "They're playing such wonderful music. What am I compared to this? Where does this difference come from?" I didn't even know how to become like them. Now, I think if I had attended music school, I might have found a starting point...

In 1995, the Great Hanshin-Awaji Earthquake occurred. I lived near Sone Station in Toyonaka City, and my apartment shook quite a bit. I thought, "This is it, I'm going to die." I wanted to volunteer, and when I tried to bring it up at a management meeting, the president declared, "I'm going to volunteer!"

I thought, "Wow, just as expected of the president." However, other staff members managed to stop him. I was once again disappointed by my unenthusiastic colleagues. Since the president was a no-go, I ended up just delivering food to a classmate from university who lived in Nishinomiya.

Furthermore, in 1995, Aum Shinrikyo, a doomsday cult, attempted to assassinate individuals critical of their sect multiple times. Out of fear of a forced investigation into their cult, they carried out the Tokyo subway sarin gas attack to incite a coup. My cousin was on a train, and if it had been even a bit slower, she might have been caught up in it and died. I remember a boss I watched the news with in a udon noodle shop during lunch saying, "Lately, nothing but bad things seem to be happening."

During this time, I had taken on a multitude of research projects, and late-night overtime had become the norm. I recall being alone in the office, blasting Santana's CD, shouting at the top of my lungs, "Why do I have to do this kind of work!" as I slammed documents onto the floor. I managed to finish a report at 4 in the morning, handed it to the security guard at the government office, and then went home.

The issue was my lower back. It was just so painful. This condition had persisted since its onset, but transitioning into a job with long hours of desk work at this company had become an enormous source of stress. Eventually, my depression escalated to the point that I entered the world of hypomania.

I had challenged my limits and crossed the line.

In general, manic states involve heightened tension, vigorous activity even without sleep, a continuous flow of ideas, reckless spending on significant purchases or gambling, all without the person being aware of their illness.

Bipolar disorder can have a genetic component, but it can also stem from stress. In my case, it was purely stress-induced since there were no close relatives with the condition. While I didn't engage in shopping sprees, I did use a sudden burst of energy to visit a friend in Boston, using up a substantial amount for the trip. At the time of onset, I had turned 30.

However, I lacked knowledge about bipolar disorder. Consequently, I didn't realize that being in a state of mania was a sign of illness. Moreover, since this condition has no complete cure, it's categorized as a mental disorder.

Currently, individuals with mental disorders are sometimes referred to as "menhera," and they are gradually gaining some acceptance in society. Nevertheless, they still face a degree of stigma, and on social media, you might find comments like "kichi-gai" (crazy). However, it's important to note that the crime rate among individuals with mental disorders is lower than that of the general population.