”Drifting about in Dreams” ~Memoir of a Karaoke Singer~

Andy Eguchi

　　“Nothing, I’ve been just wandering about Metro Manila, instead, perhaps, looking for..." Takano-san hesitated in the middle of his answer. And then his hesitation turned into a sudden wry smile. “Well, looking for ’something'. ...Though I have no idea yet, Trina, what that ’something' might be."

　　　That was what Takano-san replied to my routine, first question to him, ‘So, what do you do here in Manila, Takano-san, for a living?'

　　　　　　　　　　　-----

　　　During those days, Manila was one chaotic metropolis in the midst of lingering recession. Unable to establish their lives as satisfactorily as they hoped for, people were heatedly competing one another, trying to push others away from their ways to the better future, with haves wanting more than what they already had and have-nots demanding their portions of shares, anywhere, anytime, no matter what they were.

　　　Right in front of such Filipinos, foreigners, such as Americans, Saudi Arabians and Japanese, were enjoying almost extravagantly all kinds of privileges given only to them, that is, inaccessible to most Filipinos, while individually showing off the strong economic powers of their mother countries.

　　　Takano-san was one of those foreigners. So, there was no reason that he should be the only foreigner who must be prohibited from doing what he wanted to do in the Philippines. I would not have been surprised too much or disgusted particularly, much less have rebuked him, even if he had told me, for example, ‘To be frank with you, Trina, in Manila, I’m looking for a Filipino woman whom I want to have as my mistress.'

　　　　　　　　　　-----

　　　That was an extraordinarily humid evening. I was thankful that the air-conditioner equipped high on the wall, behind one of the loudspeakers being hung from the ceiling, was working hard to its maximum function. Well, my gratitude for the machine would have been even greater, however, had its thermostat been set at somewhat higher temperature. In fact, the air in the saloon was a little too cold for me wearing only a red, mini one-piece dress with a black frill at the breast -one of the several, designed-as-cheaply-as-imaginable uniforms the karaoke saloon provided for the girls- which exposed my whole shoulders to the air.

　　　　　　　　　　-----

　　　I was staring at the glass of mango juice on the table, which Takano-san had ordered. ..I did not know at all what I had to talk about with him. I could not even look at his eyes directly as if I were a novice karaoke hostess sitting with her customer for the first time in her life in that evening.

　　　Well, as a matter of fact, I was with my customer for the first time in almost two years. And as a result, my mental state had become very similar to the ones most novice hostesses would have on their first work nights. However, I was aware, at the same time, that that was not the sole reason why I was so bewildered there. To be true, I was very deeply caught with the wry smile Takano-san had shown me when he had answered to that routine question of mine. I was wondering, ‘Why did he smile such a self-contemptuous, wry smile?' or guessing, ‘The answer he gave me may not have been what he really wanted to make.'

　　　I did not ask Takano-san, nonetheless, why he had shown such a smile, because I had seen, behind such smile of his, a clear shadow of deep solitude that I guessed would reject any kind of curiosity thrown to him by anyone.

　　　　　　　　　　　-----

　　“Well, now I know you’ve been wandering about Metro Mania, Takano-san. But not all by yourself, of course?" That was my second question to him, which I somehow figured out after having been at a loss for a long moment. And the question was intended to direct our conversation, at least momentarily, toward how dangerous it was for a foreigner to walk alone on Manila’s streets.

　　　However, no sooner had I asked the question than I regretted that I should not have done anything like that, realizing such a question might sound to him as if I were saying, like, ‘I can be your companion from now on.'

　　　Truly, I was at a loss. I had completely no idea on how long mental distance I should have between my customer -Takano-san- and myself.

　　　　　　　　　　-----

　　　I turned my eyes toward mama Lisa, desperately seeking her help.

　　　Just after introducing me to Takano-san, Lisa had rushed up onto a small stage set at the innermost part of the saloon. In a white long dress, unlike other girls, she was singing ‘Tsugunai', reportedly a hugely popular hit song in Japan, originally recorded by a very famous Taiwanese female singer. ..Strange phenomenon. In those days, as far as I knew, all karaoke girls all over the Philippines, who wanted to earn as much money as they could by serving Japanese patrons, whether in the Philippines or in Japan, were desperately trying to master that song, although most of them, including myself, did not even know what the title of the song meant, much less its lyrics.

　　　　　　　　　　　-----

　　“Well," also throwing his eyes toward Lisa, Takano-san answered me, “most of the time, all by myself."

　　　Fortunately, there was no sign in his demeanor that he had misinterpreted my second question to him. A half of his attention was, I guessed, still being turned to Lisa’s singing.

　　　I told him in Japanese, "Sore abunai desuyo (That’s dangerous)"

　　　In fact, there would be no Filipinos who could guarantee foreigners that Metro Manila was one very safe place for them to be. Not to mention those without any Filipino companion. And yet, things were even worse for Takano-san. ..For among foreigners, it was widely believed, Japanese were most vulnerable to such crimes as pickpocket, theft and robbery. No other groups of foreigners were more easily targeted by street punks and scoundrels than Japanese. Japanese were well known to have tendency to walk around everywhere with big amount of cash, while being unable to speak not only Tagalog -one of two official languages of the Philippines along with English- but also even simple English words needed for them to seek someone’s help, therefore, being reluctant to report to the police of the crimes they had suffered.

　　　　　　　　　　-----

　　“Yeah, maybe so," said Takano-san with so nonchalant a tone as if he had been ejoying such danger somewhere in his mind. “To tell you the truth, Trina, I’ve been warned many times, by many people I’ve come across at places, ‘Don’t walk around Metro Manila alone.' ...People like a high school student in Santa Cruz and a store owner in Quézon City -the capital of the Philippines. They told me, something like, ‘Now that even our own daily lives have become more dangerous ever since this country ran into this deep economic collapse.' or ‘Nowadays, especially since former Senator Benigno Ninoy Aquino got assassinated last year, we’ve seen more and more crimes happening, people’s moral and ethic diminishing.’”

　　‘That’s right,' thought I. President of our country was a person who was alleged behind his back that he had been strangling his own people almost to death by pocketing a big portion of foreign aids for his own sake. So, it should not be too surprising for us to see his people, following the example shown by the President himself, having started strangling one another. ..Consequently, why should it be very surprising for us to see them doing it to foreigners?

　　　　　　　　　　-----

　　“That’s indeed dangerous, Takano-san. But..." Our conversation had been gaining its flow. I did not want to bring it to a halt. So, containing my concern in a corner of my mind about such behavior of his, I dared to continue. “But you look to be all right, I mean, because you speak English quite well. That will be a very useful tool for a foreigner to survive this country’s chaos."

　　　Seemingly, my words were coming out a little more smoothly than moments before, although I still was far from being relaxed yet.

　　“Is that so?" Takano-san responded.

　　 “Yes, toto iyan (that’s true)." I assured. “Your English sounds good enough."

　　　I truly believed so. That was not a sort of heartless flatter that karaoke singers tended to give their customers who, with great efforts, tried to talk back to them in English.

　　　“Thank you, Trina." Takano-san smiled, still with some tint of shadow on his face. “I appreciate your encouragement since I hope for myself that I somehow could survive any kind of mess, no matter where I am. Besides, in fact, what has given me chances to make friends with lots of people in this country, I think, has been my ability of speaking English. Well, having said that, however, Trina," he almost giggled. “I believe, the true reason why I have run into no big danger so far may have been my appearance, instead of my English speaking ability. Look, Trina, unlike average Japanese tourists, I wear clothes in rather inconspicuous a manner, don’t I?"

　　　"Oo, talaga (Yes, that’s right)." I replied to him, showing, perhaps, my first smile of the evening. “Just like Americans who live here. Or, should I say, more like Filipinos? Casual and not-so-expensive polo shirt and jeans." Checking my words for a moment, I scrutinized him whose eyes were still being thrown toward the stage, and said. “Yes, it’s inconspicuous, really."

　　　　　　　　　　　-----

　　　Indeed, Takano-san’s English was so fluent that I could sense he had spent a lot of his time outside Japan, even though he had typical Japanese accent here and there. ..That I was virtually convinced he would encounter no serious danger in Manila unless he volunteered reckless actions.

　　　"Demo (But)," added I, "kiwotsukete kudasai (please, be careful), Takano-san, because it still is a possibility that you might be taken for a rich Chinese Filipino and be attacked for your money even if you’re so inconspicuous for a Japanese."

　　“Oh, yeah? Then I have to be very careful." He responded me, jokingly.

　　“I’m serious, Takano-san. No other reason... I just don’t want to see a person, whom I got acquainted once, get hurt or get caught in big troubles in this, ..in my country."

　　Of course, that was not a lie. However, I had not anticipated my voice would bear such a sweet tone in it.

　　“Thank you." Still keeping his eyes toward Lisa, Takano-san responded to me. For some reason or other, his voice sounded very happy.